It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
