sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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