why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
