just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
