is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
