he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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