sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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