I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
