Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
