Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
