A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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