i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Enjoy the penises
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
