he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
