She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
