oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
