she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
