I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You are the jesus of drinking
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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