I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
