Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
