We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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