he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
