drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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