last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it hurts more in the daytime
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
