I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
