Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
