Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so that wasnt chicken after all
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
