If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
