i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Sacagawea was the original milf.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
