I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
