You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
