filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
