i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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