there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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