thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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