You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
