how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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