I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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