she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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