Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
