it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
