just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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