Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
PANTIES FOUND
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