I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
