Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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