happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
