You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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