I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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