ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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