Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
