dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
