Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
