i permit you to call me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
