I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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