After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
